It has been a week of self revelation. I have been struggling emotionally since my husband & I separated, my whole life and my goals have changed. I felt like I didn't have a direction any more. My son is grown and for he first time in my life I answer to anyone. I have questioned my role in Deaf culture, don't get me wrong I feel the Deaf are the most admirable people in the world, the strength, courage and determination is inspirational. Where do I fit?
I found out that the sign language in Thailand is very similar to ASL because it was taught by American missionaries. I also love the English language.... My visit to Thailand changed my life. I learned as women we are the luckiest and most priviledged on this earth. I realized that an education is a priviledge, not a right. I luxury most women in the world can't affort and an opportunity that would be given to a man. That is part of the reason I chose to finish my education. Women in the rest of the world do not have the freedoms that we have.
I found myself exploring grad school, I never thought I would even consider that, never thougth I was smart enough. But, I think I could do it at a small school like Fairmont.

In my heart I am considering going back to Thailand to teach English & see if I can find ways to utilize my sign language. It is a rustic way to live. But there is a simple beauty to the lifestyle. It may be a dream, I may get there I may not, but what is life without a dream?

I feel better working toward something and a beautiful sunset over the ocean with a mai tai in hand after a hard days work, teaching beautiful children who are so excited to learn, sounds like the life for me.

K

Wow is it Thursday already?

Okay, Katie & I have determined that our non-dominant hands are retarded. I am hoping that it is just a learning disability & that my right hand is capable of learning. I am working on it. I struggle setting up things in space, remembering my nms & head movement while trying to interpret a piece that gives me panic attacks. Anyone else having these symptoms? I hang onto an experience that I had this summer where I ran into a Deaf couple while I was getting my tires changed. I sat down & had a conversation w them & it was so natural & so easy. But, there was no video camera involved, I could as questions & there was no instructor. Sometimes I feel almost like I have sign language block, like my mind just refused to cooperate. It is a battle w yourself. Also, I do not have the study time nor the energy & focus that I had last year. Life has changed a lot.
I know you keep moving forward & keep learning. I feel like I am making progress, maybe not grade wise, but I keep trying & learning different strategies to improve.
I know that it will be different out in the real world. I know that I have a lot to learn & that this is something that you will never master. But, that is the beauty of learning, you never, ever stop.
Peace

So here we go another test, April is sneaky, her questions are a mind...... (fill in the blank.) Tomorrow we have to do another video of the piece we are interpreting. I feel like I have sign language tourettes, my brain knows what it wants to do, but my hands have a mind of their own. What I am thinking & signing are two different things. I overthink it & it comes out stilted with a lot of production errors because you doubt yourself and hesitate. It is a difficult learning process. I enjoy it though.
I do not have the practice time that I had last year. I think this is hurting me. I have to work more now because I am my sole means of support. Gotta learn sing & gotta eat.
That is where I am going now!
K

Wow week 7 hear we go. Mid-term is next week! How did we get here. We are going through the interpretations again. This stuff is causing real anxiety. I have to really talk to myself to get through it. I do not like watching myself it is almost painful. For some reason you feel like your class mates are soooooo much better than you are.
It is hard for me because you don't prepare. I am an OCD queen. I live by the 5P rule. Prior planning prevents p**** poor performance. I don't like having one take & that is it. I am getting used to it.
I have confidence one day & the next I have none.
It was funny when April said that next April we will be utilized as interpreters, you are like who me? I think she means me? YIKES! Its getting real. We are going to be out there. I really feel for the first Deaf clients that we have, I hope they have a real sense of humor.
Real world coming soon!