Sailing, takes me away to where I am going too, that is a song by Christopher Cross that is a million years old. It talks about the relaxation of sailing. Obviously Chris never had to interpret a technical piece about sailing. I am really having a hard time working through my own anxiety. But, there was progress, I made it all the way through the peice this time without self-destructing. I am still not quite able to make my brain do all the functions that it needs to do to process this information. By the time I am through with an interpretation, I could eat a cow on the hoof. It is amazing how much energy this takes.
Then we discuss it and April makes it looks so relaxed & easy.
Last year Ruby's tests make me nauseated, this year it is sitting down with an interpretation. that makes me freak out. After I am done I think of how it should have been done, it is a helluva case of being a Monday morning quarter back.
This is one of the most challenging programs I have ever been in and this aspect just turns me inside out. It was pointed out by another student that all the things I learn in this program will translate into my long term plans for life. There is nothing here that I am going through that isn't worth it. I am going to now go throw up and get on with my day.
As long as I progress and I continue to learn, but sometimes you wonder as you go through this, is it worth the blood sweat & tears?
Yep, it is.

We were rolling right along, until the sailing piece came up, that one threw me and did not do anything for my confidence. I was overwhelmed and fell apart. I cannot understand how one day we are doing 3 simple sentences about a snow shovel and then next a very complex piece with technical jargon. I simply sat there too long, overthought it an went into my anxiety mode. The good news that is the first time this year I have paniced, the bad news I am sure it will not be the last. I am really struggling with CL and use of space. I am working on learning CL with Danielle and it is helping, I need to utilize them more. The spatial use I struggled with last year, it is really hard for me. I am not whining just stating fact, I am going to try to work on it this weekend. I could not bring myself to even look at my video.

It takes time and practice, these things I know. This is a whole new realm. I will find ways to worth through it and deal with it. With my work schedule I have not had the study time that I had last year. I am my sole means of support so I can't really take time off to study. I am going to have to make quality time, because quantity of time I do not have.

I keep talking to myself, this is new, it is frustrating, it will take time and we made it through last year, we will make it through this year.

I didn't think the day would ever come that I could even ask Ruby a question, now that seems simple.

Tomorrow is another day, I will try it another way. I am my own worst enemy, when I panic I shut down.

It will get better, practice, practice, practice, practice, martini, practice :-).
K

Well, it is raining and overcast today, fall is coming, we are in our fourth week. There are 5 people in the class and this morning we all looked like we were dragging. We are getting ready for a big test and we are starting to actually interpret. It is like we are taking the puzzle pieces and putting them together. We are learning the finer points of ASL and how to correctly use it.

This morning we were struggling with 3 simple sentences. It should be so easy, but it isn't. How do I want to say this, topic/comment, CL, did I say too much, did I leave something important out.... Where is the wall? Did you get the shovel, did you start shoveling?

I have to say that April cleared up some of my fears about interpreting. We have gotten several empowering messages this week.

1. If you want to improve and you want to know what is wrong with one of your video's take it upon yourself to go to Aprils office and ask her to watch it with you. It is UP TO YOU! It is your responsibility to ask, if you want feedback.

2. If you deliever a message and you get feedback and no further questions are asked then the message is assumed to be understood. Do not shoulder responsibility for aspects of communication that are not your responsibility. Be a capable and competent interpreter, know your abilities, put the message out there. Then go have dinner and a drink your day and job are done. This was one of my worst fears. There will be times when a client does not get the message, but if you put it out there correctly and concisely, got feedback and no other questions were asked, job over.

3. I thought it was such a compliment to hear that we were chosen for the program. Man, did that make all the blood, swear and tears that were last year worth it. Ruby, darn near scared me to death. Her tests almost made me vomit. I wanted to well on them.

Today made me think a lot, not just about interpreting, but my personal life as of late. Don't make excuses, do the best you can and move on. Do not shoulder responsibility that isn't yours. Take care of yourself and expect those around you to do the same. There is no problem asking for help and it will be given if those around you see that you are trying.

Time to study for the test, OY!

Wow another week down. We have had our first test, which we managed with a little help from April. We have actually interpreted from english to sign. I have to say I was very disappointed with my first effort. We did another attempt today and I felt that I did make some progress. We have a test in Rubys class tomorrow. I have to admit that I am so frustrated with my receptive skills. I still have a hard time undestanding Ruby. Sometimes, I get the story and sometimes I don't. The work is staring to get piled, higher and deeper and that familiar feeling of being overwhelmed is coming back.
I did get out my idioms CD's and the homonyms I am going to start taking my note cards with me in and get them out anytime I am waiting at a doctors office or have a few minutes. I need to review. It takes a while to get organized and into the routine of school. Then you need to find your study times and then you need to find time to review...... Sign language is a demanding program, it is cumulative, you can't walk out of a test and forget what you just learned.
I walk by the classroom where the first year students are and I hear the same comments that we made last year, I just want to say, wait, until the next year!

It is amazing how fast time passes when school starts, we are facing our first test tomorrow and the second week is finishing up.
We had our first experience with interpreting this week. It was intimidatinge for all of us to say the least. It is like the same fear we had at the beginning of last year in a totally different way, new monsters. But, we are learning tools to help us increase our skill and improve our weaknesses.
I know that I need to improve my receptive skills. There is only one way to do this.
It has been hard for me to get into the routine of school this year and I am struggling with my focus a little bit. There have been a lot of things going on in my personal life and no matter how hard you try not to bring them into the classroom or take them to work with you sometimes it happens.
To struggle with interpreting and knowing that I need to buckle down, yet having problems at home it is difficult to get discipline.
My brother is coming home this weekend I haven't seen him in 3 years, he always inspires me. I am sure he will give me some good advice and will make me want to work harder and suceed, he always does. He is a marine and he is my hero. No matter what life throws at him or who shoots at him he always keeps on going and always loves life, he never gives up. He is fun too he loves to eat, drink and party.
I love the classes they are so interesting and the time flies by. Its about progress not perfection. As long as I am improving and I continue to improve, I am a success.