Who is in control up there?

I do not know who is in control up there, they have a weird sense of humor. We can't seem to catch a break. This virus that keeps on giving will not go away we are now cough syrup addicts. I do not remember the month of February. But, my grades aren't that bad for having no memory of doing the assigments. I am so disoriented, I was walking my dog this week when I realized its spring, damn when did that happen? Then someone said hey its mid terms! What? You are kidding me right? Then someone said its spring break, hot damn I had no idea. In the past month I have had pneumonia, lost my keys & locked myself out of the apt. twice. I had to sit on the steps in the snow & cough. I have backed my car into my apt. bldg. Its a 5 bldg complex, sort of hard to miss. I have fallen on the ice & rolled under my car, busting up both knees & my L hand. I have missed 3 weeks of work and have taken more drugs than Ozzy Osborne. Okay now thats out of the way. ( I did get to see Snoop Dogg!)
I love the stuff we are doing in class. I wish that we had done it all last semester. Getting the feedback immediately, getting corrected on the spot, using that language. I just wish I had felt better so I could have performed better. I realize that making mistakes is how you learn, better to make them in the classroom than in front of a Deaf client or friend.
Going to Robin is a god send. She is great for fine tuning. I think we plan to continue through the summer, I plan to sit in on Rubys & Aprils classes next year.
My problem & my worst enemy is ME. I do not know why I get so damn nervous. Rubys tests last year almost put me in the hospital. They terrified me, I would really rather be shot at, its over faster & you don't feel upset or guilty, just relief. I do not know why I get so nervous in class. I know that if I would just relax & have fun with it that I can do it. I have it in my head, I really do. But it won't go to my hands because it is blocked by the nerves. The day we did the voicing piece & then I had to go take the chapter 8 makup test from hell, I actually had to go home & go to bed. My knees shook during the voicing & the thing is I like voicing. I really do.
It is the pressure & expectations that you have of yourself, which is a good thing, but can become your downfall. I am glad that I had this experience & I love the fact that I can have a conversation with my friend who is Deaf & other Deaf people. It adds good people to my life. But I have to say this has been on of the most challengeing, frustrating, rewarding, aggravating, inspirational things I have ever attempted in my life. I did research before I came here, I really thought that I knew what the role of an interpreter was. I did not have a clue. What a rude awakening! I guess we better get ready, the real world is coming.