Wow we had our final in the "Bible" class today. It was quite a hectic weekend, lots of homework. I does not seem possible that a whole semester has went by. I guess time flies when you are working your a** off. The toughest part of this whole thing is trusting yourself & confidence. We did a video in Ruby's class about fingerspelling, it was amazing how much easier it is now to understand signing. Am I fluent, by no means, but am I improving, I think so.
This has been an emotional semester for all of us it seems, everyone has had their own thing going on. But, somehow we always manage to get the work done & pull each other up. This is one of the most diverse group of personalities I have ever experienced, but by far one of the best groups of people I have ever worked with. We all have such strong personalities, getting us to all go in the same direction must have been like herding cats.
I am looking forward to a break & hope that I come back next semester w renewed energy & better focus. This was a tough one.
I think one thing that we need to remember especially April after experiencing all of the loss that has come her way this year, is to look at what we have, not what we do not have. I have had no experience with loss of that magnitude.
Katie told us a story today about Yasmine her daughter, she asked Santa not for toys or an i-pod, she asked him for one thing her family to be happy. That is my wish for all of us. Be happy, have a wonderful break & I look forward to going through the next semester & laughing & learning more.

K

Can we just say that it has been hell lately? The last day before we left for break we had our first experience interpreting. It really drove home how important this profession is to each one of us. I have never seen a group so pale. We did it. Thanksgiving break was tough for me. Not much of a break.
Have had a hard time getting back in the groove, but 2 weeks left. I can make it.
K

The hot seat! 4 REAL

This has to be one of the most challenging associate degree progams there is. About the time you think you have conquered one aspect or part of your fear something else comes along to knock you down. I feel like a bowling pin & April keeps getting strikes! LOL! The baseball assignment took a lot out of us, we all struggled w it & gave it a lot of effort & time. Then to have fusion cooking in the same week, turkey is my favorite & I may never eat it again. To add insult to injury we get to voice for the first time. You would think that we would know this piece inside & out, but you get in front of that video camera & your brain goes on overload & he could be signing in Korean for all I know. Then to just bring it all full circle Miss Ruby volunteers us all to interpret for real. The look on all of our faces, I have never seen a room turn pale. It isn't just our skill level, it is knowing that we represent Ruby & April as students. There is also the fact that Ruby gets perverse pleasure out of watching us sweat. I know she wants us to get better & there is only one way to do it, you have to DO IT. We have been confronted w & made our way through a lot this week.
We all have our personal struggles as well, illness in our families, send out positive thoughts. Trying to be a good friend, but feeling like you are getting a little taken advantage of & having chaos in your home. For me, I get to go home & pack up my posessions & leave my keys on the coffee table of what I thought was my home. I will drive away from the only life that I have ever known & security. I am trying to look @ it as a new beginning, not an ending. I have had the whole world open up to me. Just time to get some closure on a 14 year chapter of my life.
Happy Freakin' Fusion Cookin' Turkey Day!

Wow, woke up & realized we are almost @ the end of the semester. Damn, where did the time go? Time flies when you are struggling & working your butt off. I had a break through w the the pieces we are working on. Katie & I signed to each other it seemed to make all the difference to me. I did not feel the anxiety, Katie had a look of encouragment on her face. I hope my grade on this piece reflects the decreased anxiety & that I get to see some progress. The most difficult part of this program is the battles w yourself. It is getting past doing something wrong vs doing something, you can always fix it later there are no second takes in this interpreting world. How many people work in a world where you get it right the first time or.....we were joking that we would be calling clients back 3 days later & saying, OH I SEE NOW, I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! That can't happen. April said something that really struck me this week. Learning sign language & interpreting are two different things....I had never really thought about it, it seemed like the next logical step in the sequence of events. It is not.
We had an intense day yesterday, it does not bother me to recieve constructive criticism, if I am given the tools to improve I will give it my best. I have to admit it is weird to "hear" it this year. Last year you just felt it Ruby has a look that could melt the north pole.
Life is wild & wooly, but my outlook is better. I found someone who can tutor me and teach me to speak some Thai. Asian languages are a challenge, but so was sign language. We will see what happens but everything that I have learned here I will be able to apply as I move on and take this crazy step in life. I would not trade this experience for anything.
K

Real World 101

Some of us will be graduating this May, some of us will be finishing other degrees, for all of us there will be change. I am contemplating a major life transition & it really has me in a tailspin. I thought I would be in Baltimore working @ an intepreting job & living in the city. NOPE!
I am looking forward to finishing up my BOR, I like the variety of classes that it affords me. I will get a certification this summer that will allow me to teach English abroad. Hopefully, I will be able to use my sign skills there as well. I am at the research phase. I have a loose time frame set up & a direction, I am not calling it a plan yet.
For me life is about experiences, not money, people not material things. I am single & young enough that I feel I would regret not taking an opportunity to live in another culture. I love Deaf culture but do not want to be immersed in it exlusively, why not many cultures, meet many Deaf people?!
I think that ALL of the things that I have learned from Ruby & April I would be able to apply if I decide to move to Thailand. One thing I have learned is that after a year w Ruby & April you have no FEAR! You could stand me in front of a class naked & I would be able to sign something, it might be wrong, but I would TRY! The most important lesson I have learned throughout this whole experience, IF you can do nothing else try, think, put fourth some effort....I have no fear being in front of people now.
I feel like I really struggle w interpreting, it isn't something that comes natural to me. But, I will try because I feel that you learn more from this than interpreting a message. There are a lot of life lessons here. Things that you will need down the road, no matter what you do. This has been a positive, if challenging experience that I wouldn't trade for diamonds. K

It has been a week of self revelation. I have been struggling emotionally since my husband & I separated, my whole life and my goals have changed. I felt like I didn't have a direction any more. My son is grown and for he first time in my life I answer to anyone. I have questioned my role in Deaf culture, don't get me wrong I feel the Deaf are the most admirable people in the world, the strength, courage and determination is inspirational. Where do I fit?
I found out that the sign language in Thailand is very similar to ASL because it was taught by American missionaries. I also love the English language.... My visit to Thailand changed my life. I learned as women we are the luckiest and most priviledged on this earth. I realized that an education is a priviledge, not a right. I luxury most women in the world can't affort and an opportunity that would be given to a man. That is part of the reason I chose to finish my education. Women in the rest of the world do not have the freedoms that we have.
I found myself exploring grad school, I never thought I would even consider that, never thougth I was smart enough. But, I think I could do it at a small school like Fairmont.

In my heart I am considering going back to Thailand to teach English & see if I can find ways to utilize my sign language. It is a rustic way to live. But there is a simple beauty to the lifestyle. It may be a dream, I may get there I may not, but what is life without a dream?

I feel better working toward something and a beautiful sunset over the ocean with a mai tai in hand after a hard days work, teaching beautiful children who are so excited to learn, sounds like the life for me.

K

Wow is it Thursday already?

Okay, Katie & I have determined that our non-dominant hands are retarded. I am hoping that it is just a learning disability & that my right hand is capable of learning. I am working on it. I struggle setting up things in space, remembering my nms & head movement while trying to interpret a piece that gives me panic attacks. Anyone else having these symptoms? I hang onto an experience that I had this summer where I ran into a Deaf couple while I was getting my tires changed. I sat down & had a conversation w them & it was so natural & so easy. But, there was no video camera involved, I could as questions & there was no instructor. Sometimes I feel almost like I have sign language block, like my mind just refused to cooperate. It is a battle w yourself. Also, I do not have the study time nor the energy & focus that I had last year. Life has changed a lot.
I know you keep moving forward & keep learning. I feel like I am making progress, maybe not grade wise, but I keep trying & learning different strategies to improve.
I know that it will be different out in the real world. I know that I have a lot to learn & that this is something that you will never master. But, that is the beauty of learning, you never, ever stop.
Peace

So here we go another test, April is sneaky, her questions are a mind...... (fill in the blank.) Tomorrow we have to do another video of the piece we are interpreting. I feel like I have sign language tourettes, my brain knows what it wants to do, but my hands have a mind of their own. What I am thinking & signing are two different things. I overthink it & it comes out stilted with a lot of production errors because you doubt yourself and hesitate. It is a difficult learning process. I enjoy it though.
I do not have the practice time that I had last year. I think this is hurting me. I have to work more now because I am my sole means of support. Gotta learn sing & gotta eat.
That is where I am going now!
K

Wow week 7 hear we go. Mid-term is next week! How did we get here. We are going through the interpretations again. This stuff is causing real anxiety. I have to really talk to myself to get through it. I do not like watching myself it is almost painful. For some reason you feel like your class mates are soooooo much better than you are.
It is hard for me because you don't prepare. I am an OCD queen. I live by the 5P rule. Prior planning prevents p**** poor performance. I don't like having one take & that is it. I am getting used to it.
I have confidence one day & the next I have none.
It was funny when April said that next April we will be utilized as interpreters, you are like who me? I think she means me? YIKES! Its getting real. We are going to be out there. I really feel for the first Deaf clients that we have, I hope they have a real sense of humor.
Real world coming soon!

Sailing, takes me away to where I am going too, that is a song by Christopher Cross that is a million years old. It talks about the relaxation of sailing. Obviously Chris never had to interpret a technical piece about sailing. I am really having a hard time working through my own anxiety. But, there was progress, I made it all the way through the peice this time without self-destructing. I am still not quite able to make my brain do all the functions that it needs to do to process this information. By the time I am through with an interpretation, I could eat a cow on the hoof. It is amazing how much energy this takes.
Then we discuss it and April makes it looks so relaxed & easy.
Last year Ruby's tests make me nauseated, this year it is sitting down with an interpretation. that makes me freak out. After I am done I think of how it should have been done, it is a helluva case of being a Monday morning quarter back.
This is one of the most challenging programs I have ever been in and this aspect just turns me inside out. It was pointed out by another student that all the things I learn in this program will translate into my long term plans for life. There is nothing here that I am going through that isn't worth it. I am going to now go throw up and get on with my day.
As long as I progress and I continue to learn, but sometimes you wonder as you go through this, is it worth the blood sweat & tears?
Yep, it is.

We were rolling right along, until the sailing piece came up, that one threw me and did not do anything for my confidence. I was overwhelmed and fell apart. I cannot understand how one day we are doing 3 simple sentences about a snow shovel and then next a very complex piece with technical jargon. I simply sat there too long, overthought it an went into my anxiety mode. The good news that is the first time this year I have paniced, the bad news I am sure it will not be the last. I am really struggling with CL and use of space. I am working on learning CL with Danielle and it is helping, I need to utilize them more. The spatial use I struggled with last year, it is really hard for me. I am not whining just stating fact, I am going to try to work on it this weekend. I could not bring myself to even look at my video.

It takes time and practice, these things I know. This is a whole new realm. I will find ways to worth through it and deal with it. With my work schedule I have not had the study time that I had last year. I am my sole means of support so I can't really take time off to study. I am going to have to make quality time, because quantity of time I do not have.

I keep talking to myself, this is new, it is frustrating, it will take time and we made it through last year, we will make it through this year.

I didn't think the day would ever come that I could even ask Ruby a question, now that seems simple.

Tomorrow is another day, I will try it another way. I am my own worst enemy, when I panic I shut down.

It will get better, practice, practice, practice, practice, martini, practice :-).
K

Well, it is raining and overcast today, fall is coming, we are in our fourth week. There are 5 people in the class and this morning we all looked like we were dragging. We are getting ready for a big test and we are starting to actually interpret. It is like we are taking the puzzle pieces and putting them together. We are learning the finer points of ASL and how to correctly use it.

This morning we were struggling with 3 simple sentences. It should be so easy, but it isn't. How do I want to say this, topic/comment, CL, did I say too much, did I leave something important out.... Where is the wall? Did you get the shovel, did you start shoveling?

I have to say that April cleared up some of my fears about interpreting. We have gotten several empowering messages this week.

1. If you want to improve and you want to know what is wrong with one of your video's take it upon yourself to go to Aprils office and ask her to watch it with you. It is UP TO YOU! It is your responsibility to ask, if you want feedback.

2. If you deliever a message and you get feedback and no further questions are asked then the message is assumed to be understood. Do not shoulder responsibility for aspects of communication that are not your responsibility. Be a capable and competent interpreter, know your abilities, put the message out there. Then go have dinner and a drink your day and job are done. This was one of my worst fears. There will be times when a client does not get the message, but if you put it out there correctly and concisely, got feedback and no other questions were asked, job over.

3. I thought it was such a compliment to hear that we were chosen for the program. Man, did that make all the blood, swear and tears that were last year worth it. Ruby, darn near scared me to death. Her tests almost made me vomit. I wanted to well on them.

Today made me think a lot, not just about interpreting, but my personal life as of late. Don't make excuses, do the best you can and move on. Do not shoulder responsibility that isn't yours. Take care of yourself and expect those around you to do the same. There is no problem asking for help and it will be given if those around you see that you are trying.

Time to study for the test, OY!

Wow another week down. We have had our first test, which we managed with a little help from April. We have actually interpreted from english to sign. I have to say I was very disappointed with my first effort. We did another attempt today and I felt that I did make some progress. We have a test in Rubys class tomorrow. I have to admit that I am so frustrated with my receptive skills. I still have a hard time undestanding Ruby. Sometimes, I get the story and sometimes I don't. The work is staring to get piled, higher and deeper and that familiar feeling of being overwhelmed is coming back.
I did get out my idioms CD's and the homonyms I am going to start taking my note cards with me in and get them out anytime I am waiting at a doctors office or have a few minutes. I need to review. It takes a while to get organized and into the routine of school. Then you need to find your study times and then you need to find time to review...... Sign language is a demanding program, it is cumulative, you can't walk out of a test and forget what you just learned.
I walk by the classroom where the first year students are and I hear the same comments that we made last year, I just want to say, wait, until the next year!

It is amazing how fast time passes when school starts, we are facing our first test tomorrow and the second week is finishing up.
We had our first experience with interpreting this week. It was intimidatinge for all of us to say the least. It is like the same fear we had at the beginning of last year in a totally different way, new monsters. But, we are learning tools to help us increase our skill and improve our weaknesses.
I know that I need to improve my receptive skills. There is only one way to do this.
It has been hard for me to get into the routine of school this year and I am struggling with my focus a little bit. There have been a lot of things going on in my personal life and no matter how hard you try not to bring them into the classroom or take them to work with you sometimes it happens.
To struggle with interpreting and knowing that I need to buckle down, yet having problems at home it is difficult to get discipline.
My brother is coming home this weekend I haven't seen him in 3 years, he always inspires me. I am sure he will give me some good advice and will make me want to work harder and suceed, he always does. He is a marine and he is my hero. No matter what life throws at him or who shoots at him he always keeps on going and always loves life, he never gives up. He is fun too he loves to eat, drink and party.
I love the classes they are so interesting and the time flies by. Its about progress not perfection. As long as I am improving and I continue to improve, I am a success.

Last year my life was in a complete transition, new job, new home, no friends & I walked into the AMSL class & I find that we have a Deaf instructor, a formidable Deaf instructor. It was a tough year, but you know what I made it. It was a crazy, stressful, wonderful year. I wouldn't trade meeting & learning w Ruby for anything. I have made some wonderful friends.
I applied to the ITP prgram & I am accepted. I doubt myself in every way. My recpetive skills need work but you know what I can do that, I can improve. Experience takes time & there is only one way to gain it, you work for it.
Communication is the most important part of human life. It is our connection w each other. My mother is a writer & she taught me to value and respect words. The ambiguity of this interpreting world does intimidate & scare me.
The interview I did w April helped me immensely. The seminar this summer we took gave me some confidence. I may not be the best interpreter out there, but I will work to be the most competant & capable that I can be. I will be a step ahead because I respect communication so deeply & I will stive to make sure that I deliver a message, honestly & with integrity & truth.
My life has changed yet again as I step into the classroom this year, I am getting a divorce & I am on my own. It has been a lot of life lessons, learning to stand up for myself & knowing that I am my soul means of support, life is scary right now.
I have no choice but succeed & I will. I am feeling better about this year, I like Aprils teaching style & I will do the work. My son told me that people who do the work, seldom fail. That will be my philosophy. I will do the work, I will have good intentions & I will fall down but I will get back up again. This year will be a challenge, I am ready, lets move forward & learn. We have a great group in the classroom, we have a good group dynamic a support group has been formed. We are all there for a common purpose, how could we fail?

I hope that we all have a great year & that we all exceed our expectations of ourselves. When it comes down to it, you are the only person that can hold you back.

K